Sunday, January 29, 2012

Cautiously optimistic.

First off - I need to comment that my "T" key is kind of broken, so if there are typos (or, "ypos," as it were), please forgive them.

Now, on to the post at hand:

This week is kind of a big deal.

I have a lot riding on this week, and I'm holding on to a cautious optimism. I feel like 2012 could be my year as long as it keeps riding like this. I live much of my life with a "come what may" attitude, but in reality, there's a specific way I'd like it to work out. I feel like I've been waiting a long time for things to fall into place for me and so far, this year, things finally are. And yes, I have worked for these things - I don't expect things to happen without hard work and dedication. But life has been especially weird to me these past few years, letting me live in a spectacular place and finding happiness in the mountains, but not allowing me the occupational or romantic success necessary for a full and happy life.

And, with the events coming this week, it's possible I can have both.

I've never expected to be the person who's had everything she's ever wanted, mostly because it's never happened. I know so many people who experience happiness in their jobs and have love in their lives with a significant other; these are things I've worked toward, but have never had simultaneously, or in the long term. I know that both take work and dedication; however, I've rarely, if ever, had the option of either. I feel like this could be my year for both.

That being said, I'm cautiously optimistic. I will take one, or the other, and forgo both if that's what needs to happen. But I need at least one. I've found a man and a possible job that could make me happy for the foreseeable future, and I'd like for one of them to work out. Right now, I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop, which is a shitty way to live (but keeps me protected against pain, which has been my M.O. most of my life). So I'm holding on to the notion that maybe I can finally have it all (which would be awesome, especially since this might be the last year that the earth exists - thanks, Mayans!).

We'll see. I'll keep you all posted. And maybe I'll have some exciting news to write about in the near future.