Friday night television is filled with wedding shows. Okay, TLC's Friday night lineup is filled with wedding shows. When I get home from work, I'm usually too brain dead to flip through the stupid amount of channels on the TV, so I stop around TLC and let myself get sucked in.
Anyway, here's what my lame ass has observed over the past few weeks (okay, maybe it's been over the past few months...) about weddings. Getting married has never really appealed to me, but I've still formed opinions about what I like and dislike when it comes to the hullabaloo surrounding one's wedding:
1) Traditional, big, crazy weddings can be fun, but man, they are just not something I want to plan. Or pay for. I'll be shooting for laid back.
2) If you are nervous, is that a bad sign? I wouldn't know because I've never walked down the aisle, but I feel like if I were nervous I would take it as a sign and run for the hills.
3) If I'm gonna dive into lifetime monogamy, I damn well am going to have a blast doing it and it's damn well gonna happen on the beach or in the mountains. There will not be a church, or $10,000 worth of flowers, or relatives I don't know. It's going to be destination, with awesome food and drinks and close friends and fam.
4) My wedding is the one day where I can buy shoes that cost more than my rent and no one can pass judgment (I've already done this once in my life and even I judged me).
5) No gifts, please. I got a rice cooker once three years ago and I still haven't plugged it in.
6) How do people decide that buying a $23,000 wedding dress is a good idea?
7) 85% of my budget will be spent on food, because food is awesome and I will want to eat after spending the six previous months fasting to look bangin' for one day.
On a programming note, wedding competition shows are a fascinatingly awkward phenomenon. There is this show called "Four Weddings" on TLC where four brides compete to see who has the best wedding. It's entertaining because these chicks are so subtly (and, sometimes, not too subtly) judge-y. Women are hilarious when they compete over shit like this.
And there is some crazy shit pulled at these weddings. For example, this episode of "Four Weddings" is featuring a 7:30am breakfast wedding for a bride in a blue dress, one of the most heinous brides ever (in personality) and a couple who is four years younger than me and has $20k to spend on a wedding.
I would feel lame about how much I've thought about all of this if I weren't so unwilling to leave the house when these shows are on.